looking back
by mr.muffinman
Summary: Have you ever what would go through Bella's mind when she finally goes off to college? whats she feeling when she says goodbye to that one special person? Read to find out and reviewww
1. Chapter 1

Summary: The day Bella is leaving and never coming back. How does she handle saying goodbye to the people she grown to over the last 2 years? Read and find out!

This was it. I was married happily to the love of my life Edward for a month now, and we're on our way to Dartmouth. It was packing time for the silly human and unfortunately ms. Alice has the the say in which way my clothes get packed, the colors of each one, and not that they were even my original clothes. Yes I know Dartmouth, the one place I was sure I could not get into. Well when urn husbands family is a generous patron to them there's bound to be some perks. Life had actually been calm (well at least for the life that I'm living) and things were starting to look better. Well for one I was with with Edward Cullen and was soon to be an official member of the Cullen's. Two, my life was finally starting to mean something as I got closer to my dreams and just as I was think about my third reason Alice had just crawled out of my closet, somehow still looking graceful while doing so(one of the perks of being a vampire), and was holding up a humongous black shirt and sweatpants.

"Bella, if I may ask whose is this and why does it smell so horrid?" Alice questioned with a look of pure curiosity.

All of a sudden there was a pain in my heart and I could feel myself getting paler. "Oh those are…Jake's he lended me them after I had...jumped off the cliff." That was harder than I thought. This is the one thing in my life that I was completely lost in and always regretted. Jacob Black. My best friend, my healer, my pal, my guardian when my hero was not there, and my sun. Jake and I weren't on best terms because of me first being married to his arch enemy. Second, him knowing that Edward was going to change me into a vampire and of course third, the fact that Jake was in love with me. Believe me I love him too but I am not in love with him as he is with me. This is the worst feeling you could have, but of course it was my fault being so dumb as to actually force things to be okay with me and Jacob while there was Edward. The day became even harder when I just thought about it. Today I was saying goodbye. Goodbye to everyone. The last day I'll be here as a human. I was jerked out of my thoughts as Alice came up to hug me or should I say squeeze me.

"Oh Bella, I know how hard this is for you, but it will be okay, I promise."

"I know Alice I'm fine, just trying to get the day over with quickly." Looking at the room it looked pretty empty just like that fateful day I had moved to forks 2 years ago. "Alice I think we are pretty much done."

"Ya. Oh can you just hand me that box right there I just to seal it up." Alice asked while seeming squeamish. "Uhh.. sure.." I answered confused because we both well know that Alice could have done that in less time than it had taken her to ask. As I turn to get the box, being Bella, I trip and hear Alice laugh. Well thanks Alice, your powers worked for your advantage I thought. Just as I was bracing myself for a hard landing a pair of cold arms caught me and brought me up swiftly. I knew those arms.

"Thank you Edward." I said as I turned to my vampire husband. "I sensed Alice was having a little too much fun up here with you packing." He said as he bent down to kiss me slightly and held me in his arms. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." He just chuckled at my response and called Emmett up to haul up our boxes.

Emmett was there in less than a second."Bella! You ready? You finally going to college with my brother here and he finally mustered up some courage to change you after all." Edward growled and slapped the back of his brother head. "ay! You know I'm right, it was just a matter of time….just a matter of time…just a matter of time..Emmett did this until he got quieter and quieter and me and Edward just stared at him with awe and I broke out laughing.

"Emmett just get on with the boxes already." Edward muttered and rolled his eyes with a slight smile on his face.

"Haha. Okay." Oh how I was going to miss Emmett and his corny jokes that always seemed to cheer me up. I felt as if I was losing my big brother today. I felt as if I were losing a lot of things today. Edward saved me my thoughts.

"Love, it's time to go now. You know it's never too late to change your mind if you want."

"Edward we both know I'm not going to do such thing." I reminded him. "Alright just making sure." And with that and a kiss on the forehead we were going outside. Before we were out the door, Edward stopped suddenly and tightened his grip on my waist slightly causing me to look up. "Your friends are here to say goodbye."

"All of them?" I asked. Edward knew which one I was referring to. "Yes, all of them." I gulped. I could not handle this. I could not handle any of it. I knew I would break down at the sight of everyone wishing me a goodbye. Especially my Jake. If he still wanted me as friend cause by now I wasn't so sure after the pain I had inflicted on my best friend. I was awful. Edward sensed my discomfort and whispered into my ear. "Don't worry, I'll be behind you the whole time. The family is waiting by the car. The stench is a bit too much." And with that he opened the door to outside. Immediately I felt so many emotions come over me and felt my knees go a little week. There stood everyone that I cared about.

There stood Charlie,andhe whole pack from La Push was there. Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry Quil, Leah, Seth. Emily stood over Billy's chair and my eyes wondered to the far right stopping at a glum looking Jacob. My heart sank a little for the second time today, as memories rushed back into my head from the start of it all with the motor cycles to yesterday night in La Push.

_**Flashback**_

Me and the Pack were sitting in a circle on Jacob's small living room floor making our knee's squish together. Embry started first. "Truth or dare Bella?"

_Okay I Know I Know truth or dare is cliché but I am not going to do that I just will skip over all that and will get on at what happened that night at Jake's. My first fanfic! I'm sure you can tell lol. Review…I don't think I'm a good writer._


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone. I don't know if I should continue with this because the reviews are a little bit slacking as in I don't have any lol. But please if I even get like 2 ill be happy. Thanksss

CONTINUATION OF FLASHBACK

I know your wondering how did I end up there on one of my last days in forks? Well it was also the Cullen's last hunt near Forks. "Edward! Do you have to go on one of our last nights here? What about our meadow? This is the place where everything happened and your hunting the last chance we have with it?" I wailed while laying in his lap.

Bella, love , please don't get angry. I would much rather the spend the night with you but we would like to _savour__ the flavor_ as Emmett put it. I know I am one selfish being. So I guess I'll just stay here with you." Emmett and stomped in and started whimpering. "Be-l-lla! Why? Tell me why?"

I could not bare to see the sight of Emmett whimpering because of my stupid selfish decision. Also watching him getting scowled at by Edward was too much, the guilt piled on me. "Emmett its alright. Go have fun with your family. I was just joking."

"ohhhh I see now you think your funny huh bella? Well it wasn't I'm practically peeing my pants." Emmett then straightned up and stalked off into the hallway like nothing happened. I then heard Alice. "Emmett I knew it would work. All you had to do was act sad, not on the verge of tears." Alice said seeming annoyed. "Ya well….I'm just good at being into character." Then Jasper scoffed at his remark. "Ya right Emmett, that's why I was practically crying from your flood of emotion." Jasper simply stated and Emmett was gone.

The things they all do to savour the flavor I thought. Edward held me up right. "You sure you won't mind?" "Edward please I am not the only thing in your life." I said with certainty. "True, but you are the only thing that matters." He said with so much certainty that nothing could make me doubt it, even though I wanted to. He then smiled my favorite crocked smile and kissed me. I got carried away and ruffled my hands in his hair and for a second opened my eyes to see my beautifully carved wooden wolf hanging from my wrist. I suddenly got an idea.

I broke away from the kiss breathing hard. He was surprised because usually it's the other way around. "Edward…since your going and leaving me all alone, can visit some friends?" I hated playing the guilt card, but this is my last chance and I had to use it. Edward sensing where I was going with this simply stated, "Bella its dangerous-Edward we both well know that when I'm there its safer than any where else when im alone. And if you care about me at all you will let me go." Ouch that was a bit overdoing the guilt.

Edward sighed. "Alright Bella, but please please be good and cautious. Remember that please."

"Of course." The sound was muffled by his neck while I was kissing it.

**The next day**

I was now walking up to Jacobs front steps. It seemed like forever ago when Edward dropped me off at the invisible line separating the 2 most important things to me and told me the whole bit of being careful. With that and a long kiss goodbye that left me dizzy he was off. I was now nervous because of the whole situation of me being married and Jake. But I had called him early today and asked him if we could hang out for the day. He said he'd be happy to and when I asked him to please forget the fact that I was married to his arch enemy and forget all of our fights and act like we did before everything happened, he agreed happily and said, "I was thinking the same thing."

I heard a mixture of loud noises as I came up to the door and knocked on it. After a few seconds and someone yelling to be quiet, Jake opened the door. "Bella! Come on in. The gang's all here."

And really the the whole gang was there. "hey everyone Bella's here!" Jaked called out and I received a mixture of hey and hellos as I sat down on the floor with everyone else. "Hey guys." Was all I replied. Sitting here I felt so warm and and comforted. The sound of everyone yelling, the smell of Emily's delicious food cooking, the shaking of Jacob's floor. The nostalgia was overwhelming and with it also came the pain of remembering when my Edward left me. Though it quickly sealed up as Jacob sat next to me. "So watcha wanna do Bells?" Just as he asked the whole pack began snickering and came into a closer circle and then suddenly me and the Pack were sitting in a circle on Jacob's small living room floor making our knee's squish together. Embry started first. "Truth or dare Bella?"

The night progressed in oh'ss and aww's as well all had to do the craziest dares and the scariest truths. By the end of the night Embry had told us his story of peeing on a stranger head, Sam had DOGGY written across his forehead in permanent marker, and Jacob and I had switched shirts so he was wearing a tight blue sweater and I a long dish towel, well because Jacob never wore shirts.

Everyone was now reminiscing times they had together and funny stories when Jacob asked, "Do you wanna get away for a few minutes and talk a walk?" I was especially happy when he said this because it was getting a little too crowded. "Sure." I replied with a smile. He smiled back, the smile that I hadn't seen in a while and grabbed my hand to walk me outside.

"So where do you want to go?" I asked and he seemed to think for a while then suddenly the idea clicked in his head.

"I think I know just the place." And with that we were off. I wonder where he's taking me…

_So what did u guys think? Please review if you want me to keep on going. Thanks guys!_


	3. Chapter 3

Wow I haven't updated in a while because I thought I wouldn't continue but I suddenly got the urge to keep going. Hope u guys like and plz plz plz review!

I wish I owned just some of this. BUT….I don't.

Me and Jake ended up with our bare feet in the sand, with the cool night breeze swaying past us. This was the perfect place for me and Jacob. Its kind of the place where it had all started, where the sun first came into view.

"Do you remember that?" Jacob asked pointing to a long withered log near the trees off the beach. As soon as my eyes met where he was pointing to, memories started flowing back.

"Of course I do. That was when we had first met on this very beach and you had told me about those stories."

"Ya and when you were flirting with me on purpose to get some information out of me." I blushed while Jacob laughed.

"Wow that was a long time ago. I was so…childish. I'm glad that's over." I said while leaning on him just a bit. The breeze was now getting pretty cold and the warmth radiating off of him was too enticing.

"But in a way those were the best times. When every story was only in movies and when none this was real. When we still had our innocence and when I still had a chance." Jacob looked out at the sky trying to hide the pain in his eyes. That hit me hard. It was so true. If this was the regular world, everything would be fine. Tears were welling up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry. That was out of line and harsh..." Jacob trailed off

"No Jacob it was true. And you could actually admit to it." I smiled up at him and he smiled back. This time is was my smile.

We were both lying down in the sand when everything had started making sense. Why wasn't Jake avoiding me or not talking to me? Why was he being so….Jacob. I didn't want to ask afraid it would mess up our evening.

"Jake, why are you here? Why are you being so…old Jacob?" Well curiosity killed the cat.

He chucled and started playing with the sand. "Bells you don't know how much I hated this whole thing just a few hours ago. I thought of every possible way that this whole thing could make sense. Why Edward and not me? He has much more money. He is handsome for a guy I guess and polite but I just couldn't see how he would give you things that I couldn't. Not only till early today did I answer my own question. It didn't matter how much money he had or how good looking he was, or how much love I could give you. The only thing that mattered was who you loved for themselves and who you be happy with. Sure I could keep you with your family and keep you human and give you kids. But would you be happy? There was my final answer."

Tears were steadily rolling down my cheeks now. How could I be leaving such a wonderful person? How could this world be so cruel to leave someone like him alone? How could I? Of course I will always love and be with Edward but how can Jake be left like this. I was now getting angry and tears were flying down faster. Jake finally look into my eyes and now tears were forming in his too.

"I am so sorry…I-I amm –sso sor-rr-y…" I couldn't even get my words out. All I kept thinking about was how cruel this world is.

"Be-l-la ss-ome things are j-just meant to b-be." Jacob was in the same state.

We sat there crying into each other for I don't know how long. I knew we were both thinking the same thing. If the world was how it was supposed to be then this would never have been happening. If the world wasn't so cruel, that such a wonderful person couldn't be hurt like this. It was just too much. I knew he had to hate the world right now. I was having a hard time with it even when I thought that Edward was in it.

The night breeze was calming down and so were our tears. We parted from each other and started laughing at ourselves for being like this, but we still knew that it was killing us inside. The rest of the night was spent reminiscing about old times and playing around on the beach.

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

"Bella? Are you alright?" My angels voice was filled with concern.

"Yes I'm fine." I spoke unsure of my words. "You know I can just stay with you love."

No no Edward I'll be fine you go to the car I'll be there in a few minutes." After a quick hug and I love you I watched him walk off to his car. I now had to do the hardest thing in my life. Say goodbye. I turned slightly and started walking.


End file.
